Wednesday, October 28, 2009

CONTROL

Revenge, hatred, anger and vengeance
All of them eat away at our very conscience
Down to the bottomless pit of our non existent guilt
It takes time for emotions to be matured and built

We go on with violence like how soldiers go on with wars
A never ending battle, a situation which everyone abhors
Engulfing life after life, worsening at an exponential rate
Creating tears after tears till they reach their expiry date

Anger makes our blood boil and drives us up the goddamn wall
The most trivial of things would set us off down into the mad hall
A place for treatment like how the asylum is built for the mentally unsound
Unfortunately, sadly and truly the medication for anger will never be found

However, the cure for anger is within the mind body and soul
To calm our mind down just like that of a baby on his bedroll
So peaceful and serene. As tranquil as the Mediterranean seas we wish
But once awakened we know that the fires within our minds wont banish

Anger or wrath as it's commonly known, is one of the 7 deadly sins
It's manifested within that individual. Hence, the devil obviously wins
We seek for an outlet to vent all that bad air away
It's either we must let it go or just fucking let it stay.



_________________________
Why is it everyone takes the 7 deadly sins to be something that's bad and evil? The word sin is stereotypically attached to the devil. Everyone goes on about peace, love and harmony. What it's like to be in that type of an era etc etc etc. Has it ever occurred to one that without the bad, there's no good? The good and bad came as a team. Fought the wars and broke up. People see the bad and don't want to end up like them, hence turning good. So you see, evil isn't necessarily associated with the devil. Although, i must say that the devil's one charming fella.

Love and peace together with wrath and hatred form a simultaneous equation, Hence isn't eternal damnation practiced everyday? So why is it that we humans still don't understand that the world is evil but yet also filled with goodness? Why is it we're so selfish to ourselves and to others around us? Shouldn't time heal all wounds? But why is it that the rage within us from young is still following us and haunting us without we ourselves knowing? The sub-conscious mind plays a great role and is in fact very daunting. Just that we don't see it that way. We can never control that part of the mind. But what we can do, is to control everything else before it controls us and hence sparing a day's work for the sub-conscious so that we can go to bed without a care in the world and face the problems the next day and not in our dreams and nightmares. ((:

These are just the wedded souls of the 7 deadly sins. We allow it to take control. C'mon, we're better than that. Everything has to have a balance. If we don't balance it now, we'll never know when to till it's too late. Sometimes, it's bullshit when people say it's never too late for anything. Because, you only learn once it becomes too late. Correcting it after your mistake isn't under the "it's never too late" category. It's under the "turn over a new leaf" one.


========================
credits to my friend, ta. who wrote this entire thing including the poem.
awesome shit ta!youre the best!



; SILENCE


do you know whats annoying?
thinking.
thats right.

ok, i guess it can be good. but thinking sometimes gets the curiosity out of me and makes me wanna find out. to try it out, to search for answers, and sometimes, simply, out of shear fun and excitment of taking that risk.

good or bad, doesnt matter to me, apparently. i just wanna satisfy that huge question mark. which i guess puts on another question, if its a bad thing,why would you even wanna try it?

its 'bad' because your parents say so. its bad because your friends say so. its bad because the entire world prolly hints so. but if it is that bad, then do people do it? it has to have some sort of thing in it that this 'very bad' thing has survived till now. i mean, if its bad, wouldnt it have perished?

like drugs. why does it even exist till today? and honestly, i wouldnt be surprised if one day i do try it. but im kinda hoping i wont.shrugs. wouldnt know right? in some ways for it, i glad im in singapore. chances of that happening is really really slim. and imma keep it that way.

i wanna try stuff because i wanna know whats it like. like, how can you describe how a mango taste like? you cant, you just, gotta try it. how would you know what adrenalin rush feels like? go bungee jumping and find out. (i intend to do bungee jumping btw) well, there are other ways to get an adrenalin rush. like, getting chase by a ferocious animal. sitting a highspeed roller coaster with too many sharp turn and plunges and loops. but i wanna try bungee-ing too. kill 2 birds with a stone? (:

back to the main point of why i find thinking annoying.

because sometimes i just dont wanna think. sometimes i dont wanna worry. sometimes i dont wanna feel. i just wanna be a blank white piece of paper lying on table with nothing around it at all. no pen, no floor, no ceiling, no dust. just lying there with not a thing to bother me. a blank. numb to all feelings. i wonder, when can one achieve such a state? in a coma? no. brain still working. stoned? doubt it. really, i anyone knows the answer to this, id really like to hear from you.

thinking has its good bits. like happy memories and the thought of something exciting coming up. like a party or a holiday. etc. you get my drift.

but really, if you think about, most of our thoughts are worries, anxiousness, paranoia. sadness sometimes. anger another time. that happy moment, doesnt lasts long. sucks doesnt it?

the brain is an awesome thing. its the only thing that keeps us moving. physically and mentally. but why do thoughts always put us in such a position whereby sometimes, we do things that, thinking back at it, we knew we shouldnt have. it doesnt have to be something out of curiosity. it could have been an impulse action or saying something without properly thinking it through. regret some may call it. i dont believe in that. but that doesnt matter.

what must we do to try to stay cheery, stay positive, stay.. smiling? even just for a bit.



; SILENCE
Saturday, October 17, 2009

IM GOING ON A HOLIDAYYYY! woooooooohhoooooooooo!

hahaha.BINTAN. (:
how exciting.
23-25oct.

yes i know the sch term has started.but its the best time to! and besides, its the first week of school, on a friday. i wont be missing any classes! ((: win-win situation!YEAH! so excited! counting down to the ferry trip! wooh!



; SILENCE
Tuesday, October 13, 2009

every month..
my sister gives me the latest issue of Juice mag,
and i give her the latest issue of AsianGeographic.

fair trade! (:

cant wait for itp to end.
but i dont want school to start.

bummerr.



; SILENCE
Wednesday, October 07, 2009

is this why theres some sort of a barrier or a wall?
is this why i could never get around to a feeling or an indication?
is this why i keep thinking theres a chance but at the same time a waste of time and energy?
is this why im still clueless?



; SILENCE
Sunday, September 27, 2009

red legs, yellow legs,
black legs, blue legs...
interesting aye?the colour of birds legs.



; SILENCE
Saturday, September 26, 2009

so i was at work today and i was just in awe at the number of different languages my colleague knows.even if its only just the greeting.
she knows:
-malay
-chinese
-english
-thai
-korean
-jap
-french
-all the dialects
-i think tamil too

whatever, but ya.and there i was just knowing english and struggling with just one sentence of chinese.pathetic.

but it makes you wonder, doesnt it? how much difference speaking the language of the customer, though just the greeting, could actually help with sales. by greeting them in the language they understand best, it really just invites them into the shop to look around. if not theyll just keep walking on. indeed i was impressed. btw, shes indonesian.

that aside, was really thinking alot at the shop today. was thinking about the service industry and how people actually survive. ok, service isnt bad, but in order to have a long relationship with it, you gotta genuinely love to serve. my sister told me that.

she said, in f&b, or any anything within the service sector, you really gotta just love to serve people and make them happy. just opening the door could make a person smile. simple small stuff counts. of course, the whole 'going the extra mile in service' is an added bonus.

then i wondered, what makes me happy.couldnt really pin-point anything in particular. well, food doesnt count. because i just love to eat.happy or not.hahah. would money make me happy?would jumping off a cliff make me happy?(of course im talking about extreme sports here, not suicide) would watching tv all day make me happy? would playing touch all day make me happy? i just kept on thinking. would making my parents proud make me happy?

what makes you happy? go ponder

oh!btw! because i was at the sentosa outlet, so i took the lrt-like train thing in, the IR/universal studios thingum looks pretty awesome.i could see a huge-ass rollercoaster taking form.AWESOMENESS.it looks a gazillion times better than the one at the far east of singapore. shant mention the name.haha.



; SILENCE
Sunday, September 20, 2009

WOOH!
havent blogged in a long time man.ok well, not really very long.but ya.whatever.ok.ahha

anyway!whats been happening in my rubbished life:
-itp
-met up with friend for some small outings
-itp
-went out with siblings!
-itp
-going swimming tmr!
-itp

hmmm.says a bit eh?
i think ive complained enough about my itp to too many people already.haha.im such a whiner.but oh wells.it did give me a lot of restrictions.but well, im just gonna hang in there and push through the entire thing and try my best to get a good grade.what the hell am i saying?that is exactly what im supposed to be doing.hhahaa.imma shithead.

watched 9 today with bro and sis.it is, well, as rated, just 3stars luh.nothign fantastic,could be a little longer.simple storyline.a tad little bit predictable.but ya.i like the animation and flow of things.haha.

mary's goals for the next few weeks:
-live through itp as positive as possible
-be a happier person
-work on fitness
-save money, ie spend less, ie think budget and eat less. HAHA
-meet up with all the missing friends
-keep dreaming.imagining

haha.was having a msn convo with bo the other night, and gosh, she totally reminded me of the one thing that ive not done in the longest of time, which, ironically, kept me quite sane.also, it earned me the title of sadistic.but hey!it kept me sane.hahaha.and that would be: plotting mass destruction and deaths of people.

yes yes i know.how horrible.but it is fun.really.this is where many would say:mary watched too many action movies and cartoons." haha.but well, i was happy!ok well, we were plotting the shutdown of the itp company im in. hahaha!see!happy! but of course!none of this will take place because it is all for imaginations sake! (:

but anyway!thanks bo!for reminding me! (:

ok.im so glad for holiday tmr!i can finally go swim!yay!ahhaha.now, all that is needed to make this perfect is that...IT DOESNT RAIN.omg.it better not.ahahha.ok.gonna go get some other rubbish done.

stay smiling!


its funny how its not yet even finished!haha
but what id do is, ill follow whichever thugs hardest.
and with enough consideration and thoughts of happiness in that path,
i guess it would give you an answer.



; SILENCE
mary-anne.
mary!
19
19900105
SVDP[st.vincent de paul]
Singapore Poly
Integrated Events and Projects Management, DEPM.
DEPM/FT/1B/03 (my class)


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